Oct 19, 2024
A drink that's NOT a date.
So thinking about going out for a “drink.” But there will be rules. Cause life is about boundaries and consequences if those boundaries are not maintained. In other words, who knows if someone is a serial killer or worse. Though honestly getting murdered and dropped on the side of the road wouldn’t bother me much at this point. But I’m going to remain positive.
My rules
1. It’s not a “date” cause that would be a lot of pressure.
2. No alcohol (cause I can literally drink two and be toasted).
3. Meet the person at the place (so I can bail when I want).
4. No conversations about ex’s (unless it’s a really good divorce story that’s going to make me laugh my ass off, then I’ll make an exception).
5. Don’t stay longer than 1 hour (cause I don’t have the patience to pretend I’m normal for longer).
6. No talk about kids (cause I’d have to fake interest and I’ll already be doing that enough).
7. Don’t expect a miracle (the lowest expectations are always the best ones when meeting strangers).
8. If he’s not funny it’s okay to run to the bathroom and jump out a window. Note to self: make sure to pick a meeting place with only one story to reduce chance of injuries.
9. If he looks shady, start the conversation with, “I know you’re not a serial killer because it would be statistically impossible for two of us to be in the same place at the same time on accident.”
I’m pretty sure I’ve got this covered. I mean it’s a fricking drink not a marriage proposal. Or it better be.
It's awful that I didn't just suck it up and tolerate my old boyfriend, Rob. I mean seems like that would have been the easiest thing to do, you know, live in misery for the rest of my life so I wouldn't have to date anyone ever again. I do miss his dog.
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A drink that's NOT a date.
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