I could have saved lives today. I know, some people do that every day. But, being an insurance investigator doesn’t give me a lot of opportunity to do anything other than watch people bending and squatting when they shouldn’t.
I saw this little diddy at the airport, alone and left behind.
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| Cell phone abandoned at the airport. |
I told the United dude, who I will call “United Dude”. He seemed concerned. He walked over to the phone, picked it up, messed with it, then said it was completely dead.
Me: “It could be a bomb.”
United Dude: “Geez thanks, now that I’m holding it.”
Me, nodding with a serious look: “It could be.”
United Dude: “TSA scans things so it’s probably safe.”
Me: “I just read about a gun being brought on a plane.”
United Dude: “Oh yeah, that happens all the time. It really does.”
Me: “Yeah I’m sure that’s just the timer.”
United Dude: “Hmm, ok.” as puts the phone down and walks away.
Me to Jen: “I’m going to notify TSA. If I see a TSA guy I’m totally telling. There could be a bomb next to us and no one seems to care. We could DIE!”
Jen: “It’s probably fine.”
Me: “Fine for you, I have a lot to live for. I’d like to have sex again. You have given up hope.”
Jen: “It’s not a bomb. It’s just a cheap cell phone.”
Me: “Um, HELLO....would you buy a nice cell phone just to blow it up?”
I started scanning the people walking by looking for someone official. I start talking, first quietly, then a little louder, “There’s a bomb here, people! A bomb! A bomb!!!”
Me: “I probably shouldn’t start yelling that. I could get into trouble. What if they think it’s my bomb?”
Jen: “Well, are you going to tell anyone?”
Me: “No one has walked by that fills me with confidence.”
Just then a guy walked over to the phone and started messing with it.
At this point Jen is sitting three seats away since she moved closer to the plug in station, despite my warnings that if the bomb goes off they won’t even find pieces of her.
Unable to communicate with the man standing next to her, I text her. “Is that his phone? If so the bomber is right next to you.”
The guy put the phone down and then walked away. I made eye contact so he’d know he wasn’t messing with some stupid tourist.
Me: “Did he turn on the phone and just walk away?”
Jen: “Yeah.”
Me: “Oh great now he turned the bomb on and walked away.”
Jen: “Yeah.”
Me: “Maybe we should follow him.”
I turn around in time to watch him walking into the Guinness Irish Pub.
Me: “Hmm..he just walked into that Irish Pub. Maybe we should follow him.”
Jen: “Yeah I could get a Guinness.”
We could have saved lives. I could have been a hero. Instead we got sidetracked by Guinness.
Five minutes later:
Jen: “The phone is on. He’s going through a rough patch.”
Me: “What?”
Jen: “I can see a text. The first one says, I think I’m just going through a rough patch.”
Me: “Holy shit. He’s suicidal. It COULD be a bomb.”
I spent the next ten minutes trying to get Jen to pick up the phone and read it while I looked out.
Jen: “He’s drinking his troubles away.”
Me: “Let’s go talk to him!”
Jen: “You go talk to him.”
Me: “Ok if I go talk to him and distract him, will you look at the phone?”
Jen: “I’m not going to get arrested.”
Me: “You could be saving lives.”
Jen: “Or just being nosy.”
Me: “He’s going through a rough patch, He’s like a puppy down on his luck.”
Finally, Jen stands up, puts her phone next to his and reads the first few lines of his last texts.
And me, I’m cracking up because FINALLY I got Jen to do something she wouldn’t normally do.
Holy cow, this is going to be a good trip. By the time we’re done Jen is going to be walking up to complete strangers asking if she can taste their Guinness and get a photo.
Oh, but if we do explode, I’m just glad she’s going to die first. I mean, after all, she’s the one not taking this bomb thing seriously.
AAHahahahahahahahahaah!!! I'm never standing near anyone using a cheap phone again.
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