Nov 27, 2018

So I Moved...5 Reasons Neighborhoods Suck

home sweet tiny home
Newsflash: Living in the country is SO much better than living in the city. 

Now, I'm not just saying that because I'm anti-social and I hate people.  Really. Ok, maybe I AM. But, so far, my experience after moving back to my rental house has not been great. First and foremost, I downgraded from 50 acres in the country with my closest neighbor about 1/2 mile away to looking out my back window and seeing five houses within spitting distance. And I'm not even a good spitter. 

So, in less than a month I've come up with my very own list of 5 Reasons Neighborhoods Suck

5. You know what happens when you put a naturally paranoid gal in a house and surround her with neighbors, screaming kids, barking dogs and cats that prowl the night? Crazy happens. I've got surveillance cameras and trail cams hidden in various spots on my property.  I've got more chains around my RV, Quad and utility trailer than a prison work crew has. I've got guns stored away under tables, bedframes, and behind photographs. I'll be ready when trouble comes a-knockin.

Those damn thieves and killers are not getting away with my stuff.

4. Speaking of cats...I used to feed the feral cats at my place. It seemed innocent enough. I didn't like it, but it was my rural duty. Now I'm surrounded by cats of all colors, breeds, and gender.  And I'm not even being racist, homophobic, or critical when I say it sucks huge piles of cat pooh. When I walk out of my house in the morning it's like I've stepped into a world where people are the minority and cats are king. Cats are sitting in driveways, under cars, near street lights, watching my every move. I can't tell if they're interested in what I'm doing or they are just waiting for the right moment to pounce. Cats are the Devil's dogs, I tell you. 

5. I have no room for anything. Not inside, not outside. I never really appreciated the fact that I could have a 14-foot pool, 2 kayaks, a pontoon fishing boat, a golf net, room to ride the quad, storage for years of crap, enough room for a RV and three cars...until now. Now I barely have room for the pool, which is a priority, given the fact that my chocolate lab, Trout, will NEVER give me a moments rest unless she can swim at will this summer.  And, I've had to donate so much stuff to Goodwill, I think they should just do random drivebys and save me the gas money.  Oh, I could burn the stuff...but now I seem to be missing my burn pile area.  Thank you, city life. 

3.  I have to be social. My neighbors stop by. Like we're pals. You know how hard it was to become a hermit? Now I'm forced to socialize.  Someone actually left a loaf of bread on my doorstep the other day. Either they thought I needed the carbs or they mistook my house for the local misfit residence and figured with all the crap piled in the driveway I needed all the help I could get. 

2.  It's loud here. The dog and I hear everything. The mailman's coming....I know this when he's five doors down because suddenly Trout the Lab jumps up and starts barking like we're being invaded by Russia. Oh, the neighbor down the street just slammed his car door! Yeah! I hate to say it, but now I know why people are nosy...it's not on purpose. It’s just that you hear absolutely everything that happens and it sounds like it's happening on your front door step, so naturally you look.


1. Neighbors suck. I have a 78-year-old neighbor behind my house who is lonely and sad. Her husband died and apparently, he was the alcohol monitor. She drinks and drinks. By the time I get home at 330 pm she's loaded and ready to scrap. The other day she yelled that I was a Nasty Bitch. Seriously.  Little ol' innocent me.  Ok, granted, it didn't help that I told her to leave me the F*ck alone and I did not want to talk to her every time I went outside. But in my defense, I should not have to talk to her EVERY TIME I walk outside and then spend 30 minutes justifying why I'm not a terrible person because she thinks I stole my sister's dog and kicked my sister out of my rental. I mean, geez, isn't it bad enough I actually have to RAKE leaves now because I'm surrounded by fences and the wind can't adequately do its job? And guess what? There's so much stuff that needs done around this house, it's like I'm living in a home with a slum landlord.  Well, crap. I've apparently got work to do. 






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