Day 2: Facebook Dating

Well it’s been about 48 hours and so far, I’ve had my first “ick” experience. 31 year old David wants to know if I’m ok with him slapping my butt and calling me pretty.

Ick. I’m absolutely sure I’m NOT ok with that…well, at least not in the first 12 hours of “hello.” But who knows. That approach may work with some people. But ick. I actually asked him questions, cause I was confused. I mean, what happens after that? He said we could kiss if I wanted to. Seems like maybe David has a mental disorder. And clearly I'm too old for this kind of stuff. Still getting a lot of waves and in the middle of about 20 different texting exchanges. I’m seriously wondering how people do this. It takes SO long and its mentally draining. I mean, looking at all these photos and trying to pull quality out of confusions…it’s taxing. I’d almost rather get drunk in a seedy bar and meet someone that way. There are about three dudes who, if real, are maybe options. But, I’m moving so slowly because I’m going to need a spreadsheet to track all the conversations and what these dudes are saying. Still waiting for a dick picture. Kind of disappointed cause I totally expected one of those already. Age bracket is still from about 29-76. Still, most have kids. Jobs: architects, real estate agents, landscape “artists”, and one who says he’s “successful in healthcare” which may be code for “I’m a drug seeker who visits multiple emergency rooms.” One has described his soul mate as someone who likes to dress up, believes in romance, is kind hearted, and can make everything perfect. Yeah, that totally sounds like me. NOT. I believe in tacos, people not being dicks, dogs, and never missing the opportunity to splash mud on people who are on side by side rides with me. I may need to rethink this. Or focus. I think I’ll just pour myself a drink and spend the rest of the night pressing “X”. XXXXXXXXXXX.

Day 1: Facebook Dating

So the first dating app I'm doing is Facebook Dating. Why? Cause it's free and easy cause I'm already on Facebook (I have no idea why I still am). I set up my dating profile using this stellar photo that I took the other day when I found this crumpled hat someone gave me from a BBQ joint.

Yeah yeah, not a great photo, but not too bad, either. I mean, if I wanted quality I probably wouldn't be on a dating site. I had to pick a few things I liked, so I choose grilling, fishing, restaurants, atv's (cause QUADS wasn't an option, haha), and vacations. It's not like everyone needs to know everything. I added some photos...me at Applebees toasted on Zombie kooliade, Bass and the sunrise, and my Ranger. Dumb shit. But by golly look how playful I am! Growlll..... haha

Then, all I had to do was open the part and click X or the heart so the app can figure out what type of dudes I "like". Now, I found that difficult for a few reasons...first, I care much more about how funny and entertaining someone is than what they look like...my real friends can attest to that. And, I also think men are stupid and post the dumbest photos ever. Newsflash: you holding the head of an animal you just killed works for me because I want to know you can provide in the event of a zombie apocolypse or civil war. But, most chicks don't care about that stuff.

I X'd and hearted for about an hour, and found it quite entertaining. Before I even got done, there were a few dudes who wanted "friendship" and or "liked me". Oooh what an ego boost. But then you gotta read and swipe X or heart again! All the work! Here's what I found after the first day: Older men (60 and up) have a LOT of confidence. Younger men (29 and up) really DO have thing for older women. A LOT of men have tiny dogs. Almost everyone has kids, no matter what age. One had 8 kids!!!! I got "likes" from men from Washington, Oregon (Bend, Hermiston, Pendleton, Ontario), and Idaho. There were 4 "conversations" that these men started with me. There were 20 "waves" ...which I assume means "Hey, I'm just gonna toss my face into your inbox and see if you respond." In about an hour I had over 50 people who liked me. That's 49 men of all ages ranging from 29-79 and one confused woman (I think) who didn't realize I wasn't interested in women. I wasn't sure how many were real people, who were actually looking for what they said, and or how many just wanted my bank account numbers. But, I did realize that Chris, 45, who attended Boise State University is HOT (I may have hearted that one back). The most intersting thing was that the first man who popped up was the brother of a friend acquantenance (cough) who has been less than nice to me...and trust me, for a second I thought, "Why is there no I'd rather hunt and eat a turtle raw than pick this fucker" button? And then the petty part of me thought, well, if I were 20 years younger I'd totally go after him so I could show up at Thanksgiving dinner with her and the family to torture everyone. But, then I remembered karma is a great equalizer so I don't need to waste my efforts. Come on Karma!!!!!! So...now what? We'll see what tomorrow brings.

Harper is not a Hallmark town

Well, I've been living in Harper for over two years now...and still no Mr. Right. There have been some killer sunrises, great side by side rides, fishing trips, and all the other stuff.

I don't understand what's going on. I've been to the local hangout, Coleman's, and met all kinds of people. Locals and hunters, fence builders, passersby...and not one has professed love for me yet. I've had a few drinks bought for me,but that's it. I've driven into Vale numerous times, had food and drinks at the local dives and diners, and still, no marriage proposals. I've bought Carhart jackets, goats, chickens, and adopted two cats. Nothing. I've been to the movies in the big town of Ontario by myself, hoping to bump into the perfect match. Nothing. I've even branched out and been to a bar in Nampa a few times, with the same zero results. Heck, I've brought goats to the local vet for toenail clipping, and even stopped at the hardware store for supplies. Zero. Why is it so darn easy to find that perfectly kind, considerate, fun loving, compassionate, honest, trustworthy man in the Hallmark movies? I'm at a loss. I mean I've met some people here. Sure. I've also met all kinds of drunks and gossip queens and kings. Those don't exist that much in Hallmark towns, maybe Harper has the market on that, but I'm pretty sure there's just more concentrated here because it's so small. There are some really nice people here that are straight forward and mind their own business. But, none so far have come a'courtin. So, I've decided to branch out, against everything in my soul, and try some online dating. I mean, heck, can't hurt. I may find my Mr. Right tucked away in a corner booth, writing his dating profile. Never know. I mean, I'm pretty sure I won't, but it'll be an entertaining ride for you married folk and maybe help you decide to just stay together and work on your differences. So here we go....

I found a house! A sale and a purchase...

Hey Readers!  (Mom and Dad)

My Salem house, after MANY repairs and a new porch

I haven't written in a spell because my plans took a ride in a BMW convertible on a sunny day with the top down.  In other words, I found a house!  And I moved! At the end of February I closed on a house in the middle of nowhere in Eastern Oregon. It's a tiny town I'll call "Paradise" just in case I ever get a stalker (again).  

I "Zillow'd" the hell out of things looking for just the right place.  Well, more like I put in my search parameters of in Oregon, under $350k, half an acre, and less than 50k people. I was hit with very few houses...and most were awful.  I mean, so terrible that you'd have to actually install walls, flooring, sinks, etc. 

I initially passed by this house in Paradise...because it was literally in the middle of no where.  The idea of moving so far away from everyone and everything I know was just a little intimidating. And then, a few weeks later I went back and did my search again and the same house came up, but it was pending. Missed that boat. Oh well, that's what I get for stalling.

A few more weeks passed and I searched again...and the house in Paradise was back on the market. Apparently the potential buyer was a little older and her kids didn't want her out there alone. On a whim I called the realtor and after a few conversations, I made an offer.  Sight unseen. They accepted the offer and I had 10 days to view it...which I passed on.  I figured I'd get an inspection and frankly, I figured any house of that age would need some work, so I was prepared for whatever happened. 

I called a realtor to put my house on the market and before that even happened, I had a full price offer from the neighbor's friends. SOLD!  The stars aligned.  

It didn't hit me until I was in the U-Haul on the way to my new house (and praying it looked like the photos) that my entire life was changing. The whole time I was busy packing and loading my belongings I didn't think about what I was leaving behind. Instead I was thinking about what I was moving toward. I started to realize I wouldn't do happy hour with my friends anymore, couldn't pop into the office to greet co-workers, and was going to have to actually plan for trips to town (since it's an hour away). But none of that really mattered because once I pulled into the driveway, I felt at home. 

View from my front window in Paradise

I realized that this place, this Paradise, was exactly what I've wanted my entire life. I wanted to be out of the city, away from people, away from the crime and the grime, and the smog and the....again, the people. 

Friends ask if I have any regrets. The answer is a solid no. It hasn't been all smooth sailing (read the next post) but I wouldn't change it for the world. 

Where To Go?

 Now that I've convinced myself it's time to leave Salem, where do I go?  The better question becomes, "What can I afford?" Luckily, my job has transformed due to COVID from allowing us to telework up to three times a week to allowing us to do it full time. That's fantastic news for us introverts. Work has also opened up their restrictions and now, we can telework from anywhere in the US...with permission. I don't know of anyone who has received permission, but that's mute. Doesn't matter. I don't really want to leave Oregon yet (though Texas has crossed my mind, along with Georgia, Arkansas, and the Carolinas). 

Example of $250k houses I've seen

Being a single income household, and not making a fortune (think public service paycheck), my options are pretty limited. Oregon's prices have skyrocketed, along with a lot of other states. In order to get out of Salem, I'm thinking outside the box. I'm using the modern version of "close your eyes and touch a map" by opening Zillow and adjusting the search engine to note I want at least half an acre and I want to pay around $350k. Are you laughing yet? There was a time when $350k was a lot for a house in my mind. Now, I've come to the conclusion that to get something even remotely nice, I'd have to pay around $500k. If you've recently looked at houses in Oregon, you know that's the case. Trust me when I say I'm not THAT picky. I just want something that's not in town, doesn't need an entire remodel before I even step inside because it's too nasty, and where the dogs can roam. I'd also like an actual stick built instead of manufactured, which reduced a lot of options but makes it easier to finance and remodel. No way I'm paying $350 for a manufactured home on an acre that was installed in 1980. No way.

Zillow wasn't my friend. In fact, there were very limited choices. But I still looked at them all.  From ALL over Oregon. Then I branched out..and looked EVERYWHERE. Lots of beautiful places in Georgia for less than $350k, but I traveled through there one summer and it was way too hot for me...and once I found out how many snakes were there, I decided I'd leave Georgia to the Walking Dead. (For those of you who don't know, Walking Dead is filmed in Georgia.)

I'm still looking, but when I find something, you'll be the first to know!

 

The First Step

Sometimes changes happen slowly...until one day you actually pay attention and realize something is different. You look back and wonder things changed and more importantly, when. When I bought my house in West Salem it was around 2005. I'd walk the dog around the block and often notice home improvements being made, kids playing, dogs barking, and sometimes, people yelling. I didn't really like the city, so I moved away and rented out my house.  

Eventually my sister ended up in it, and then my brother-in-law took a job out of town. My tiny 624 square foot house was vacant so I moved back because renting it seemed like too much of a hassle. I hated moving back. But my plan was to fix it up, do my two years of living in it, then off it the first chance I had. I put all my efforts into fixing up the house until eventually, Adam pointed out there wasn't much more for me to do. He may have just been tired of helping me. 

In the almost three years it took for me to reach my house's maximum remodel stage (I joke that I have a house I put $600k into that's worth $300k), the city around began to change too. Covid hit, and with it, came less police oversight...instead of seeing a police car drive past occasionally, it was a rarity. I know, it's not their fault that other neighborhoods needed them more. But the crime, it increased. Someone actually took the liberty of opening my car and going through it...and when I caught them at around 1:00 am, gun in hand, they yelled at me that I shouldn't have left it unlocked.  As if leaving something unlocked (by accident clearly) is akin to saying, "Come get it!  Everybody is welcome!"  The guy, unbothered by the fact that I held a weapon, took his time walking away. I had to tell him a few times to get out of the vehicle. Seriously. Who does that? It's someone who doesn't care about the consequences (or knows there aren't any) and who has no concern for anyone other than themselves. 

I started carrying a gun while walking the dogs in the morning because I never know who I'd run into. (Don't worry, I'm fully permitted in case I have any snowflakes reading.) Once a safe and quiet neighborhood, West Salem has turned into a place where the terrorist middle schoolers run the streets along with the homeless. We, the tax paying citizens, can do nothing about it unless we are actually threatened. I can tell you, at that point, it will be too late for them and maybe me.

Basically, this part of Oregon has lost its luster. The riots, protesting, COVID rules, and everything else, has made Salem undesirable to me. It's time to move on. The journey begins. I'm taking the first step. 

Where have I been??  It's been so long since I've written, despite the fact that life has continued to move forward and I have moved froward with it. Begrudgingly. Quick update.

BG, the 120 # Alaskan Malamute

After Trout left to chase tennis ball at the Rainbow Bridge, I fostered Apple from the Great Pyrenees Rescue Society Apple jointed BG (Bulgera), the Giant Alaskan Malamute that I adopted from my sister. It was in my mind that BG was so sad and lonely once Trout was gone. Fostering would give him a friend but not bring a permanent dog into our lives. I was done with permanent dogs. It's just too damn painful when they leave. Fostering was an epic fail and after three days Apple was renamed Merrick and became a permanent part of our family. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, BG developed cancer in his front leg and his health declined quickly. It was such a shame, having lost Trout only five months earlier, BG became my rock. And then he became a memory. But, Merrick was there, and she spread her fluffy white hair all over the house just like BG did. And, of course, shortly thereafter, Merrick looked sad because she was alone...so I went back to the GPRS and they found me the perfect dog named Virgil (who later was renamed to Bass). 

Merrick in front and Bass at the top

Merrick is now almost five years old (she was 3.5 when I adopted her) and Bass is a little over one year old. Both make sure I have a constant supply of white hair all over the house, so really, it's like BG never left. Both Merrick and Bass are perfect...though if you promise not to tell Merrick, I have a softer spot in my heart for Bass. He is so sweet and kind (and he SMILES), whereas Merrick is a complete diva. And in part, maybe I feel like I have to protect Bass from Merrick because she can be a real brute to him. Merrick is my shadow and follows me from room to room, sleeps by my bed (or in it), and always makes sure that if I so much as sneeze, she's right there should I need anything at all. She's a lot like Trout in that way but Merrick not only loves me but everyone else. Both Merrick and Bass are really people lovers. They don't care who you are, they love you. They haven't met you? They still love you! It's like I have these two great dogs who have so much love to give that they have to find other people who need love too so they can share it. I don't mind at all. 

When we go on a walk Bass always sits and waits for people to come over to him...he gets so hurt when they just continue on their walks and don't stop to greet him. Bass actually has his favorite buddies in the neighborhood and when we pass their houses, he dilly dallies waiting for them to come outside and say hello. When he sees them, it makes his whole day! Now that you're caught up, I hear Bass in the kitchen pushing his dog bowl around like he hasn't eaten in years...so I'm off to do my parental work.