I DID donate a lot of time...two days! And I DID fly over 1,800 miles on my OWN dime to volunteer. And I did volunteer for a non-profit. I DO sound like a saint, right? Would it change your mind if I said I was volunteering as a bbq judge at the 2018 American Royal World Series of BBQ? Probably, right? Oh well, after my last volunteer gig with the 40 3rd and 4th graders, I think I deserved this one.
I hopped on a plane in Portland, OR (after 3 delays and 2 hours of additional wait time, I'm really nearing sainthood) and landed in Kansas City, MO on Friday night. Here's a fun fact: if you're more than two hours late to pick up your rental car, Budget cancels your reservation. Did you know that? It makes for an entertaining wait in line. And it gives one cheeky chick (namely me), a chance to almost get beat up while reserving a car.
It went like this:
While I was waiting in line for my car, I heard the counter dude explain that a lady had come in earlier and was all ticked off about the Jeep she rented having some fingerprints on the dash. The counter guy (who I'm gonna call Earl) said the lady basically ripped his head off and spit down his neck...which I found very entertaining and sad at the same time.
Being a shy, polite, and boring gal, I walk up to the counter as two new customers step into my place in line. The customers are a man and wife duo, and its pretty clear the woman is in charge...she's bossing the man around like he's a two year old and he's tipping his head and jumping at every word.
Keep in mind, this duo have not heard Earl tell his story....
I get to the counter and look at Earl and in the nicest possible voice say,
"I hope I get a car because if I don't, I'm gonna have to rip your head off and spit down your neck."
Earl starts to respond when all the sudden Macho woman behind me says,
"WHAT DID SHE JUST SAY?!!!!"
Earl says, "She said she was gonna rip my head off and spit down my neck." And he laughs a bit.
And I laugh. Because it's REALLY funny that this lady is now bouncing up and down and moving her weight from foot to foot like a boxer ready to lunge.
Then Earl tells me that it was a sad moment...and he's talking about the other lady saying that to him...but Macho Lady doesn't know that...and she starts asking again,
"WHAT DID SHE SAY!??"
And I laugh again, cause now she's really worked up...
Finally Earl says to me, "You should have seen her (Macho Lady's) eyes bulge!
And I turn around and Macho lady is asking again, "What did you say to him?"
Although at this point I should stop goofing around, I say, "Yeah, I said I was gonna rip his head off and spit down his neck." And I pause for effect...then Earl jumps in and tells the poor lady about the other customer...and she looks at me...and I look at her and smile my biggest shinny smile...
and she says to me, "I was about ready to come over there and give you a beating!"
I looked her up and down and said, "Oh don't do that!" with as much of a shake in my voice I could muster without cracking up while the little devil on my shoulder was saying, "You could take her!"
I drove straight to McDonalds, waited in the drive-through for a good 30 minutes for a quarter pounder with cheese and unsweetened tea, and wondered if I told the teenager at the drive-thru I was going to rip her head off and spit down her neck I'd get my food faster. Probably not.
As I climbed into my hotel bed...the one that came with full time freeway noise as if the fast lane was at my headboard, laughed one more time about Macho Lady...and I prayed for her husband.
...and the rewards are endless...but for some reason, I don't necessarily feel as though I've given much of myself...because my
I don't necessarily think that's true of the type of volunteering I participated in this weekend. 2018 American Royal World Series of BBQ competition